"There's Givers and then there's Takers." You've probably heard that saying many times, and you've probably even thought about in which of the two categories you best fit, or in what category are the people around you? It's one of the many labels that we put on ourselves and each other, and it becomes part of our self-description. I am one of those Givers...always have been as long as I can remember. I went out of my way to make sure that everyone else had what they needed mentally, emotionally, and physically regardless of my own needs. The funny thing is, I never once stopped to really analyze WHY I did that? Until recently...
I had a whole host of surface reasoning for constantly being the person that gave, but ultimately, I've figured out that it was because I had a need to be needed. This "need" came from the fact that my Ego liked to be needed and to feel superior, however, the tricky part is that my Spirit wanted nothing more then to connect with and to help people, lost souls, to find their way. I had lots of great advice to share, "helping" people to become more happy in life, and all the while, with my own stresses building up, I was getting more and more bitter for people always "using" me. My Ego wasn't getting recognition for all of the great advice that I was giving out to all these Takers. I found myself surrounded by them and this made me beyond frustrated! I finally stopped to ask myself why this was happening, and a few things came to light. When I was constantly giving advice and always acted like I've got everything figured out, then people took me at my word. They thought that I always had everything under control, and they wouldn't feel it necessary to help me when I needed it, or that I would even consider taking their advice. This, in turn, made sure that I was left alone to handled all of my stresses and problems. Additionally, sometimes I even took on other people's problems and stresses to solve, and found myself wondering why in the world they were so selfish to let me do so? So there I was miserable, alone, carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, afraid of being selfish but wanting to push everyone in my life away from me.
Thanks to lots of journal writing, and the help of a dear friend, I was able to come up with these very important realizations. I was creating my reality. I took everything on myself but simultaneously expected others to come to my aid without me having to ask for help. I don't even know if I wanted help, or if my Ego just wanted to be angry that I wasn't getting any, and that's why things weren't going my way. When I finally broke it down and thought about what would make my Spirit truly happy, I realized that deep down I didn't want to be needed, I wanted to be wanted. I had a fear that if I didn't make myself needed, then I wouldn't be wanted, and this changed everything for me. I have to admit it was not something I wanted to face about myself, and honestly, I didn't know who I was if I wasn't the super nurturing, great advice giving, always knows what to do and say, me? It was like I lost a huge part of my identity, and I am still learning daily that I don't have to define myself at all. I'm just me, and everyday that might be a little different.
I've learned that the more open and vulnerable I become, the more people are there to help me. That not having to always "know" what to say or do all the time is freeing. I understand that Takers turn into Givers, if you give them the chance to give by truly being open to Receiving. I know now that what worked "best" for me, was actually NOT best for me, and therefore I was able to disqualify myself from telling others what to do. I know I've come up with a few good questions to ask, to aid people's own discoveries about themselves, if that's what they choose to do. If they don't want to answer them, then that is great too. Live and let live is truly my new moto...If allowed to, people can be a little bit of both. They can take what they need to make themselves happy, while having all that happiness to then be able to give in a much more loving, understanding and genuine way to others. Let's stop putting ourselves in one category or another and just BE <3
So which one Aren't You? ;-)
Jess
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