I sat down today with my new awesome Goddess guidebook for the next year of 2013 (thanks to friend Kimi who led me to this wonder)!! The first thing that the creator has you do in the book is to do a "Closing Ceremony", so to speak, by writing out a review of 2012. I'd never actually done this before, always focusing on what I wanted for the coming year, instead of looking at how I fared the past year with my goals. The great thing about it is that it didn't just focus on those sometimes superficial new years resolutions, it asked me to ponder things I would have otherwise ignored. Good examples are: lessons learned, dreams that came true, how I got to know myself better, and lots more from a growth and spiritual standpoint. These considerations really opened my mind to the fact that so much more then I thought actually happened in 2012. My growth was amazing, and this allowed me to measure, so to speak, just how much I've transformed and the circumstances that led to my life changes. I knew that significant changes occurred, not only in my external life, but also in the way that I have come to know myself on the inside. This is also a great way to turn an seemingly negative circumstance into a positive learning experiences! It made me really happy to see my progress, and I think it would be a very beneficial step for everyone to close out this great year of 2012.
If anyone is interested in taking a look at the guidebook, she sells it extremely cheap online and you can simply download and print out the book yourself. I'll attach the link below. It is geared towards women, so sorry guys....although I'm sure if you feel like tapping into your inner Goddess, it would be quite beneficial ;-) I know, have your lady buy it and then copy the questions in a super manly fashion!! :-D
www.LeonieDawson.com
Either way...think about it...we learned and grew and changed in so many ways that deserve recognition. After reviewing 2012, we can feel great setting our "dreaming big" goals for next year!!
Lots of happy reminising to you!!
Jessie
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Law of Attraction
To Quote an amazing, Bob Marley..."Don't Worry About a Thing, Cause Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright" ...
The more time goes by, the more I realize that having a positive and optimistic attitude is Very important!! It goes along with the idea of the Law of Attraction, what we choose to think about, is what attracts things into our lives. You may be surprised to hear this but sometimes, I get stressed and worried about money or debt (I know that's so rare in this world, and that none of you have ever done that! :-p). I start to let it affect my happiness throughout the day. I get anxious and moody, and I get caught up inside my own head Worrying that I'm not going to have enough money! Even if this fear is completely illogical and I know I'm fine, I still catch myself feeling guilty and overwhelmed when I have to spend even the smallest amount of money. Ugh...No fun! On top of that, Every... Single... Time I find myself in this place, something happens... I get a speeding ticket, need new tires or power steering pump, back into an open tailgate of a truck (mine seem to have to do with my car apparently), but they all cost me money! The crazy thing is that sometimes I don't even realize I've gone to Negative-town until this costly event occurs, then it becomes very clear! I create what I don't want by thinking about it! These things never happen when I'm happy-go-lucky and worry free. I always seem to manage to have more then enough money and spend less!
I've been paying close attention to this for the last 6 months or so and it's very interesting to me. I have to admit that at first I wasn't quite sure what to believe about the whole thing. I mean, I've heard that we create our reality, and about the power of the mind before, but hadn't ever really taken it to heart, or put it to use. My financial situation recently changed, and it brought about a new and uncomfortable situation for me. When I get uncomfortable, I get stressed. Ironically, (or as I like to believe, Intentionally) I had recently been reading various books about the Law of Attraction and the Power of our Intention to manifest what we want and need in life. It's one thing to read it in a book and agree with the concepts, but I have to admit, it's a whole other thing, to take a leap of faith and put it into practice, especially during particularly stressful times. I tried to be present in the moment being aware of my feelings everyday, meditating to clear the negative clutter when I got especially worked up, and I focused on learning about what I truly want and what would be ideal in my life. I'm now convinced that there's something to these ideas!
Even when it seems like I'm in trouble, I've tried my hardest to keep a happy, positive, "the Universe will provide" attitude about things, backup always comes through for me. Another little tip I found is to be open to Many new (and sometimes previously "unacceptable") ways of solving my problem. If I always think that help will come in only the ways I want or expect, then I don't have my eyes and ears open for alternative solutions...and I have to say, some have been alternative but lifesavers, none-the-less!! It's also opened my mind to getting over my ego and my pride, and allowed me to (sometimes begrudgingly) ask for and receive help from others. Lots of subconscious stuff to get over in that one! This whole idea has helped to get me out of my own head, and to trust that when I'm positive and happy, everything is gonna be just fine!
Life is good my friends and we might as well be happy Now, the rest will take care of itself.
I hope you all are stress and worry free, or soon to be! :-)
Jess
The more time goes by, the more I realize that having a positive and optimistic attitude is Very important!! It goes along with the idea of the Law of Attraction, what we choose to think about, is what attracts things into our lives. You may be surprised to hear this but sometimes, I get stressed and worried about money or debt (I know that's so rare in this world, and that none of you have ever done that! :-p). I start to let it affect my happiness throughout the day. I get anxious and moody, and I get caught up inside my own head Worrying that I'm not going to have enough money! Even if this fear is completely illogical and I know I'm fine, I still catch myself feeling guilty and overwhelmed when I have to spend even the smallest amount of money. Ugh...No fun! On top of that, Every... Single... Time I find myself in this place, something happens... I get a speeding ticket, need new tires or power steering pump, back into an open tailgate of a truck (mine seem to have to do with my car apparently), but they all cost me money! The crazy thing is that sometimes I don't even realize I've gone to Negative-town until this costly event occurs, then it becomes very clear! I create what I don't want by thinking about it! These things never happen when I'm happy-go-lucky and worry free. I always seem to manage to have more then enough money and spend less!
I've been paying close attention to this for the last 6 months or so and it's very interesting to me. I have to admit that at first I wasn't quite sure what to believe about the whole thing. I mean, I've heard that we create our reality, and about the power of the mind before, but hadn't ever really taken it to heart, or put it to use. My financial situation recently changed, and it brought about a new and uncomfortable situation for me. When I get uncomfortable, I get stressed. Ironically, (or as I like to believe, Intentionally) I had recently been reading various books about the Law of Attraction and the Power of our Intention to manifest what we want and need in life. It's one thing to read it in a book and agree with the concepts, but I have to admit, it's a whole other thing, to take a leap of faith and put it into practice, especially during particularly stressful times. I tried to be present in the moment being aware of my feelings everyday, meditating to clear the negative clutter when I got especially worked up, and I focused on learning about what I truly want and what would be ideal in my life. I'm now convinced that there's something to these ideas!
Even when it seems like I'm in trouble, I've tried my hardest to keep a happy, positive, "the Universe will provide" attitude about things, backup always comes through for me. Another little tip I found is to be open to Many new (and sometimes previously "unacceptable") ways of solving my problem. If I always think that help will come in only the ways I want or expect, then I don't have my eyes and ears open for alternative solutions...and I have to say, some have been alternative but lifesavers, none-the-less!! It's also opened my mind to getting over my ego and my pride, and allowed me to (sometimes begrudgingly) ask for and receive help from others. Lots of subconscious stuff to get over in that one! This whole idea has helped to get me out of my own head, and to trust that when I'm positive and happy, everything is gonna be just fine!
Life is good my friends and we might as well be happy Now, the rest will take care of itself.
I hope you all are stress and worry free, or soon to be! :-)
Jess
Monday, November 26, 2012
Go with the Flow.....
I was driving around in Houston today, windows down, 80 degrees, Christmas lights starting to erupt all over the place, and Christmas music playing on the radio....so strange this picture is to me still! I haven't had a traditional Chicago Christmas since around age 22, and since then I've lived in much warmer climates, however, the idea of warm weather and Christmas remains foreign to me. Some ask if it's disappointing to me, and I wouldn't exactly say that, but it makes me think...
We have visions or ideas about things in our head of things like Christmas, and how they should appear to get our approval. These preconceived notions are really just expectations in disguise. For a little while, I was grateful to be able to head north over the exact holiday so that I could experience the sometimes white and always cold (of varying degrees of course:-) holidays in Chicago. I thought it's just not the holidays without that Chicago atmosphere. Now, I will say that over the years, I've been able to see that the holiday is not in the place, the temperature or the decorations, but it's felt with the people you love and the feeling in your heart. Getting rid of that expectation of Christmas, allowed me to enjoy it in a completely different way, and it is great! I have to say it's REALLY nice not freezing my buns off in December!! It's fun to actually take a nice coffee and a walk under the Christmas lights instead of a drive because it's too cold!! Going with the flow allows me to really take in the feelings regardless of the surroundings....
This idea can be transferred to just about anything in life. If you have an expectation of how a career, car, house, family, friends etc should be based on past experience, then you aren't really open to enjoying the differences in your current situation or the potential happiness they might bring to you. Open your heart. Look for the things you enjoy instead of the things you don't like. Appreciate what you have, instead of dwelling on what you don't. It's not good, nor is it bad, it just is....Go with the flow!
Wishing you all a Wonderful holidays...no matter how you'll be experiencing them!!
Jess
We have visions or ideas about things in our head of things like Christmas, and how they should appear to get our approval. These preconceived notions are really just expectations in disguise. For a little while, I was grateful to be able to head north over the exact holiday so that I could experience the sometimes white and always cold (of varying degrees of course:-) holidays in Chicago. I thought it's just not the holidays without that Chicago atmosphere. Now, I will say that over the years, I've been able to see that the holiday is not in the place, the temperature or the decorations, but it's felt with the people you love and the feeling in your heart. Getting rid of that expectation of Christmas, allowed me to enjoy it in a completely different way, and it is great! I have to say it's REALLY nice not freezing my buns off in December!! It's fun to actually take a nice coffee and a walk under the Christmas lights instead of a drive because it's too cold!! Going with the flow allows me to really take in the feelings regardless of the surroundings....
This idea can be transferred to just about anything in life. If you have an expectation of how a career, car, house, family, friends etc should be based on past experience, then you aren't really open to enjoying the differences in your current situation or the potential happiness they might bring to you. Open your heart. Look for the things you enjoy instead of the things you don't like. Appreciate what you have, instead of dwelling on what you don't. It's not good, nor is it bad, it just is....Go with the flow!
Wishing you all a Wonderful holidays...no matter how you'll be experiencing them!!
Jess
Saturday, November 24, 2012
It's the Little Things...
How many of us really focus on the things that make us happy in the moment? Well first we have to be IN the moment in order to realize if and when we're happy. Then, the more we're not living in the past, or for the future, we can figure out what it means to be truly present in the moment. Present means not thinking about what we're going to do later, tomorrow, next week or next year. It means noticing all the details about where we are, what we're doing, and with whom we're doing them. It means being aware of the little things, interactions, and situations that make our hearts smile and warm from the inside out. We do a lot of things that don't do this, and those should also be noted, however, we should always treasure the ones that do bring those feelings. We should cherish them and repeat them as often as we can because when we're happy, we have the ability to pass on that positive, loving energy to everyone around us, and that is what helps the world to be a better place.
It's interesting that these little happiness' came into my consciousness as I was sitting here enjoying all the Christmas decorations that I put up this weekend. It's always been amazing to me how much they make me so happy! I'm a true lover of lights, and I think it transports me to childhood with all the happy, cozy, peaceful memories that I have from that time. Truth is I have no idea why I love them so much, but I'm so glad that I do because it really is the little things in life that can bring us so much happiness. In the past I've worked so hard in search of so much material stuff and success, and it was never enough. At times I've had lots and that didn't usually make me happy, or little, which also made me feel a sense of lacking...Funny thing is, no matter in which situation was my life, I was still made so happy and peaceful around Christmas decorations! Subconsciously, on my patio, I've created Christmas lights all the time with a couple strings of flower lights. I call my patio my Tree House and the lights are one of the things that make it such a comfortable place to be. I'm going to start doing this more in my life, shall we say, "Christmas all the Time"!! My goal now is to recognize the little happiness', and figure out a way to incorporate them more often into me life!
Cheers to the Little Things!!
Jess
It's interesting that these little happiness' came into my consciousness as I was sitting here enjoying all the Christmas decorations that I put up this weekend. It's always been amazing to me how much they make me so happy! I'm a true lover of lights, and I think it transports me to childhood with all the happy, cozy, peaceful memories that I have from that time. Truth is I have no idea why I love them so much, but I'm so glad that I do because it really is the little things in life that can bring us so much happiness. In the past I've worked so hard in search of so much material stuff and success, and it was never enough. At times I've had lots and that didn't usually make me happy, or little, which also made me feel a sense of lacking...Funny thing is, no matter in which situation was my life, I was still made so happy and peaceful around Christmas decorations! Subconsciously, on my patio, I've created Christmas lights all the time with a couple strings of flower lights. I call my patio my Tree House and the lights are one of the things that make it such a comfortable place to be. I'm going to start doing this more in my life, shall we say, "Christmas all the Time"!! My goal now is to recognize the little happiness', and figure out a way to incorporate them more often into me life!
Cheers to the Little Things!!
Jess
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Happy Feeling of Thanksgiving!
Ahhh....Thanksgiving! Perfect holiday of the moment!! Lately, I've been Feeling an overwhelming sense of genuine amazement and appreciation for everything in my life right now. The even more wonderful thing is that the more blessed I feel, the more blessings I feel that I am given. I think in the past I knew that I should be thankful for things, and I could articulate them just fine, but my constant discontent and need for more, More, MORE made the feeling turn into just a statement of thankfulness. I'm truly grateful that my heart and mind have been opened up to a deeper spiritual understanding of life and every feeling (both emotional and physical) that it has to offer. We make our lives happy or stressed or peaceful or miserable...it's our understanding of the power we all have within us, to unconditionally love and listen to our Spirits, that allow us to manifest the true life of our dreams. I happened to "stumble upon" a few eye opening situations in my life so far that have managed to crack the door and change everything. I quoted the "stumble upon" because I know that it wasn't really by chance that they happened, or that I was drawn to them, everything happens in this life in order to get us to realize the true reason we're sent into these bodies. It's whether we choose to listen to our intuition, or press on with our previous plans that may or may not be in harmony with who we truly are inside. I'm very thankful for my past, and for my guides, friends, family, and intuition that never gave up on showing me the right path, even when I was being pretty darn stubborn! True happiness and appreciation is right now, in this moment, living present, and I'm vowing to try my hardest to live right here from now on!
I wish for all of you the true feeling of Thankfulness to see how wonderful your lives are today and every moment to come <3
Happy Thanksgiving,
Jess
I wish for all of you the true feeling of Thankfulness to see how wonderful your lives are today and every moment to come <3
Happy Thanksgiving,
Jess
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Can You Be Alone?
Interesting observation ...
Today was a very fun and busy day that included teaching a great yoga class this morning, lunch with the amazing boyfriend, afternoon girl time with a great girlfriend, followed by putting together one of my favorite meals over a great conversation with the Dad guy! All things that I love to do! This was also following a bunch of similar days with more fun and friends... I'm a lucky lucky girl!!
Right now, as I'm sitting down for the evening, I really begin to notice the energy that it takes to interact with people, even those we love, and am getting a hint of needing some ALONE time. What? ME??? Alone time? Huh?!?@#%$%^ Haha... It brings me back to the times in my life where I would do anything possible to not be alone. I wanted to fill my time so I didn't get bored, or didn't Feel alone, so I constantly fill my time to the point where I was never alone. As I started my journey I was forced to be alone much more then I wanted. It didn't take long before it got easier to adjust to my new location and single status to where I could once again begin to fill my schedule. As I think of it now, it comes to my attention that I started to enjoy being by myself right about the time I made the decision to become a yoga teacher, which was even more of a life change then I'd just made. Hmmm....since teacher training (the last 1.5 years), I've had a huge amount of time to myself that I've filled with reading, learning, writing and relaxing! I'm so happy now to be alone because I'm just that, Happy! I think that a huge portion of my spiritual understanding and growth has come from the quality alone time that I've spent with myself. It's interesting to realize now that when I fill my schedule like I used to, even with all fun and wonderful things happening, I am actually now missing my alone time. This is a reassurance for me today that I need to always continue to make time to myself, to check in with me, to make sure my path is making me happy, and to appreciate all the wonderful things that are happening in my life!!
If you hate being alone, are you happy?
Wishing you all many days of joy filled Alone Time!!
Jess
Today was a very fun and busy day that included teaching a great yoga class this morning, lunch with the amazing boyfriend, afternoon girl time with a great girlfriend, followed by putting together one of my favorite meals over a great conversation with the Dad guy! All things that I love to do! This was also following a bunch of similar days with more fun and friends... I'm a lucky lucky girl!!
Right now, as I'm sitting down for the evening, I really begin to notice the energy that it takes to interact with people, even those we love, and am getting a hint of needing some ALONE time. What? ME??? Alone time? Huh?!?@#%$%^ Haha... It brings me back to the times in my life where I would do anything possible to not be alone. I wanted to fill my time so I didn't get bored, or didn't Feel alone, so I constantly fill my time to the point where I was never alone. As I started my journey I was forced to be alone much more then I wanted. It didn't take long before it got easier to adjust to my new location and single status to where I could once again begin to fill my schedule. As I think of it now, it comes to my attention that I started to enjoy being by myself right about the time I made the decision to become a yoga teacher, which was even more of a life change then I'd just made. Hmmm....since teacher training (the last 1.5 years), I've had a huge amount of time to myself that I've filled with reading, learning, writing and relaxing! I'm so happy now to be alone because I'm just that, Happy! I think that a huge portion of my spiritual understanding and growth has come from the quality alone time that I've spent with myself. It's interesting to realize now that when I fill my schedule like I used to, even with all fun and wonderful things happening, I am actually now missing my alone time. This is a reassurance for me today that I need to always continue to make time to myself, to check in with me, to make sure my path is making me happy, and to appreciate all the wonderful things that are happening in my life!!
If you hate being alone, are you happy?
Wishing you all many days of joy filled Alone Time!!
Jess
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Do you love yourself?
Very important question I had never asked myself before I started this self-awareness path......
Do you love yourself?
Quick short answer for just about everyone, including me, is "Ummm...Yeah". However, when you stop to think about it and understand your thoughts and your internal dialogue, you'd have to admit that it's actually "No"...
When I would put pressure on myself to accomplish something and caused myself stress, I wasn't accepting myself for where I was at that point....not accepting myself is not loving myself.
When I would worry about other people's judgements about me, causing me to do, say, and be something that was not really true to myself, I was letting other people determine my self-worth (not loving myself).
When I would judge myself so harshly for making "mistakes" or not foreseeing everything that could go wrong in a situation, I was not loving myself.
When I told myself that I wasn't good enough and had to earn people's love and respect, I wasn't loving and respecting myself.
When I let other people treat me harshly and disrespectfully, telling myself that it was more important for them to like me then for me to be true to my spirit and leave, I wasn't loving myself.
When I would ASSUME that people were thinking something negative about me, I was really judging myself and therefore, not loving myself and allowing me to just be me.
When I felt obligated and said "yes" to someone's request of me when my Spirit was screaming "no", I was telling my Spirit that it wasn't important and I wasn't loving myself.
When I accepted anything that made me suffer, for whatever reason, and didn't make a conscious effort to end my suffering, I wasn't loving and taking care of myself.
When I looked to other people for reason's to love myself, I wasn't actually loving myself.
When I put someone's well-being above my own, being understanding, supportive, loving and compassionate to them while sacrificing myself, I was not valuing and loving myself.
When I didn't allow myself to be creative and silly and express myself, I was stifling my inner child and my creativity and not loving myself.
When I didn't allow myself to enjoy activities that didn't get me anywhere socially, financially, successfully or otherwise 'better' then I was that day, I was letting societal expectation and definitions run my life, not accepting me for me and therefore...not loving myself!
When I told myself that I needed to lose weight or somehow change my appearance in order to be loved, I wasn't loving myself.
I could probably sit here all night long and list more and more ways that I didn't love and accept myself, and I'm very thankful that these things are in my consciousness at this point so I can see where I need to just give myself a break. The crazy thing is I THOUGHT I LOVED MYSELF!! It's hard to love yourself when you thinking is wrong. If you think that you are loving yourself, when in reality you are constantly judging, ignoring, suffering, pressuring, limiting and disrespecting yourself, then you'll never be able to have a relationship based on true unconditional love and acceptance. The hardest part for me was actually admitting that I did all those things to myself. Once I did, and learned that I'm lovable and acceptable for just being me, not only was I happier and more peaceful, but I found that others also reflected my opinions... In conclusion ;-) ...to gain acceptance from others, accept yourself!!
How many of the above judgements do you have of yourself? Can you come up with others? What mindset can you change today to help you have a more loving opinion of yourself. If something negative comes to your attention, replace it with something positive and let that thought go. Make the necessary changes to prove to yourself that you're putting you first. Change never happens overnight, it's gradual and sometimes difficult, but one day at a time will get you closer and closer.
I wish you all self-love and peace!!
Jess
Do you love yourself?
Quick short answer for just about everyone, including me, is "Ummm...Yeah". However, when you stop to think about it and understand your thoughts and your internal dialogue, you'd have to admit that it's actually "No"...
When I would put pressure on myself to accomplish something and caused myself stress, I wasn't accepting myself for where I was at that point....not accepting myself is not loving myself.
When I would worry about other people's judgements about me, causing me to do, say, and be something that was not really true to myself, I was letting other people determine my self-worth (not loving myself).
When I would judge myself so harshly for making "mistakes" or not foreseeing everything that could go wrong in a situation, I was not loving myself.
When I told myself that I wasn't good enough and had to earn people's love and respect, I wasn't loving and respecting myself.
When I let other people treat me harshly and disrespectfully, telling myself that it was more important for them to like me then for me to be true to my spirit and leave, I wasn't loving myself.
When I would ASSUME that people were thinking something negative about me, I was really judging myself and therefore, not loving myself and allowing me to just be me.
When I felt obligated and said "yes" to someone's request of me when my Spirit was screaming "no", I was telling my Spirit that it wasn't important and I wasn't loving myself.
When I accepted anything that made me suffer, for whatever reason, and didn't make a conscious effort to end my suffering, I wasn't loving and taking care of myself.
When I looked to other people for reason's to love myself, I wasn't actually loving myself.
When I put someone's well-being above my own, being understanding, supportive, loving and compassionate to them while sacrificing myself, I was not valuing and loving myself.
When I didn't allow myself to be creative and silly and express myself, I was stifling my inner child and my creativity and not loving myself.
When I didn't allow myself to enjoy activities that didn't get me anywhere socially, financially, successfully or otherwise 'better' then I was that day, I was letting societal expectation and definitions run my life, not accepting me for me and therefore...not loving myself!
When I told myself that I needed to lose weight or somehow change my appearance in order to be loved, I wasn't loving myself.
I could probably sit here all night long and list more and more ways that I didn't love and accept myself, and I'm very thankful that these things are in my consciousness at this point so I can see where I need to just give myself a break. The crazy thing is I THOUGHT I LOVED MYSELF!! It's hard to love yourself when you thinking is wrong. If you think that you are loving yourself, when in reality you are constantly judging, ignoring, suffering, pressuring, limiting and disrespecting yourself, then you'll never be able to have a relationship based on true unconditional love and acceptance. The hardest part for me was actually admitting that I did all those things to myself. Once I did, and learned that I'm lovable and acceptable for just being me, not only was I happier and more peaceful, but I found that others also reflected my opinions... In conclusion ;-) ...to gain acceptance from others, accept yourself!!
How many of the above judgements do you have of yourself? Can you come up with others? What mindset can you change today to help you have a more loving opinion of yourself. If something negative comes to your attention, replace it with something positive and let that thought go. Make the necessary changes to prove to yourself that you're putting you first. Change never happens overnight, it's gradual and sometimes difficult, but one day at a time will get you closer and closer.
I wish you all self-love and peace!!
Jess
Friday, November 16, 2012
Who likes Candles?
I'm thinking on a lighter note today...I was just honestly pondering how much I LOVE having candles burning in my home! Besides just the improved ambiance, I think it just creates a certain amount of comfort that always makes me feel happy and at home. They make my house smell awesome, inspire my creativity, and I really think they help me relax and enjoy some fun. Lighting a candle also makes me feel a bit more spiritually connected. You can use the burning of a candle to invite the spirits of the ones you love, or maybe even your guardian angel so you can Ask for help when you need a boost of clarity. I've actually started using the lighting of a candle to set my intention for a certain mood and I really think it helps me to let go. For example, if I'm having a bad day and I want to get rid of all those yucky feelings, I'll just consciously set my intention to let those feelings go, light a candle, and it's like my worries burn up with the flame. Call me crazy but hey, whatever works for ya right?!! :-)
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Give or Take?
"There's Givers and then there's Takers." You've probably heard that saying many times, and you've probably even thought about in which of the two categories you best fit, or in what category are the people around you? It's one of the many labels that we put on ourselves and each other, and it becomes part of our self-description. I am one of those Givers...always have been as long as I can remember. I went out of my way to make sure that everyone else had what they needed mentally, emotionally, and physically regardless of my own needs. The funny thing is, I never once stopped to really analyze WHY I did that? Until recently...
I had a whole host of surface reasoning for constantly being the person that gave, but ultimately, I've figured out that it was because I had a need to be needed. This "need" came from the fact that my Ego liked to be needed and to feel superior, however, the tricky part is that my Spirit wanted nothing more then to connect with and to help people, lost souls, to find their way. I had lots of great advice to share, "helping" people to become more happy in life, and all the while, with my own stresses building up, I was getting more and more bitter for people always "using" me. My Ego wasn't getting recognition for all of the great advice that I was giving out to all these Takers. I found myself surrounded by them and this made me beyond frustrated! I finally stopped to ask myself why this was happening, and a few things came to light. When I was constantly giving advice and always acted like I've got everything figured out, then people took me at my word. They thought that I always had everything under control, and they wouldn't feel it necessary to help me when I needed it, or that I would even consider taking their advice. This, in turn, made sure that I was left alone to handled all of my stresses and problems. Additionally, sometimes I even took on other people's problems and stresses to solve, and found myself wondering why in the world they were so selfish to let me do so? So there I was miserable, alone, carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, afraid of being selfish but wanting to push everyone in my life away from me.
Thanks to lots of journal writing, and the help of a dear friend, I was able to come up with these very important realizations. I was creating my reality. I took everything on myself but simultaneously expected others to come to my aid without me having to ask for help. I don't even know if I wanted help, or if my Ego just wanted to be angry that I wasn't getting any, and that's why things weren't going my way. When I finally broke it down and thought about what would make my Spirit truly happy, I realized that deep down I didn't want to be needed, I wanted to be wanted. I had a fear that if I didn't make myself needed, then I wouldn't be wanted, and this changed everything for me. I have to admit it was not something I wanted to face about myself, and honestly, I didn't know who I was if I wasn't the super nurturing, great advice giving, always knows what to do and say, me? It was like I lost a huge part of my identity, and I am still learning daily that I don't have to define myself at all. I'm just me, and everyday that might be a little different.
I've learned that the more open and vulnerable I become, the more people are there to help me. That not having to always "know" what to say or do all the time is freeing. I understand that Takers turn into Givers, if you give them the chance to give by truly being open to Receiving. I know now that what worked "best" for me, was actually NOT best for me, and therefore I was able to disqualify myself from telling others what to do. I know I've come up with a few good questions to ask, to aid people's own discoveries about themselves, if that's what they choose to do. If they don't want to answer them, then that is great too. Live and let live is truly my new moto...If allowed to, people can be a little bit of both. They can take what they need to make themselves happy, while having all that happiness to then be able to give in a much more loving, understanding and genuine way to others. Let's stop putting ourselves in one category or another and just BE <3
So which one Aren't You? ;-)
Jess
I had a whole host of surface reasoning for constantly being the person that gave, but ultimately, I've figured out that it was because I had a need to be needed. This "need" came from the fact that my Ego liked to be needed and to feel superior, however, the tricky part is that my Spirit wanted nothing more then to connect with and to help people, lost souls, to find their way. I had lots of great advice to share, "helping" people to become more happy in life, and all the while, with my own stresses building up, I was getting more and more bitter for people always "using" me. My Ego wasn't getting recognition for all of the great advice that I was giving out to all these Takers. I found myself surrounded by them and this made me beyond frustrated! I finally stopped to ask myself why this was happening, and a few things came to light. When I was constantly giving advice and always acted like I've got everything figured out, then people took me at my word. They thought that I always had everything under control, and they wouldn't feel it necessary to help me when I needed it, or that I would even consider taking their advice. This, in turn, made sure that I was left alone to handled all of my stresses and problems. Additionally, sometimes I even took on other people's problems and stresses to solve, and found myself wondering why in the world they were so selfish to let me do so? So there I was miserable, alone, carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, afraid of being selfish but wanting to push everyone in my life away from me.
Thanks to lots of journal writing, and the help of a dear friend, I was able to come up with these very important realizations. I was creating my reality. I took everything on myself but simultaneously expected others to come to my aid without me having to ask for help. I don't even know if I wanted help, or if my Ego just wanted to be angry that I wasn't getting any, and that's why things weren't going my way. When I finally broke it down and thought about what would make my Spirit truly happy, I realized that deep down I didn't want to be needed, I wanted to be wanted. I had a fear that if I didn't make myself needed, then I wouldn't be wanted, and this changed everything for me. I have to admit it was not something I wanted to face about myself, and honestly, I didn't know who I was if I wasn't the super nurturing, great advice giving, always knows what to do and say, me? It was like I lost a huge part of my identity, and I am still learning daily that I don't have to define myself at all. I'm just me, and everyday that might be a little different.
I've learned that the more open and vulnerable I become, the more people are there to help me. That not having to always "know" what to say or do all the time is freeing. I understand that Takers turn into Givers, if you give them the chance to give by truly being open to Receiving. I know now that what worked "best" for me, was actually NOT best for me, and therefore I was able to disqualify myself from telling others what to do. I know I've come up with a few good questions to ask, to aid people's own discoveries about themselves, if that's what they choose to do. If they don't want to answer them, then that is great too. Live and let live is truly my new moto...If allowed to, people can be a little bit of both. They can take what they need to make themselves happy, while having all that happiness to then be able to give in a much more loving, understanding and genuine way to others. Let's stop putting ourselves in one category or another and just BE <3
So which one Aren't You? ;-)
Jess
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Our Spirits are amazing!
This is a big one!
Another very important distinction that I needed to make before I could start making clear choices in my life, is the fact that we are multifaceted. I know we've all taken at least one psychology class, and I'm sure you remember hearing all about the ID, Ego, and Super-Ego blah blah blah... I never paid much attention, honestly, because it seemed as though our brains are so complicated that it's impossible to see the differences clearly (or maybe I didn't see the need to understand it). Also, either it was left out of the psychology study because it's not "scientific", or maybe I just missed it entirely, but I don't ever remember hearing anything about our Spirit. Understanding that we have a Spirit within us, created by God, a piece of the universal energy of all that is good, helped me to understand why I do the things that I do. That Spirit fights everyday to live openly and freely with our other mind driven Ego logic that is very convincing and Very influenced by all around us. Our Ego's are very important in that they protect us from trauma, to keep us from spiraling into deep depressions or other forms of psychosis, and it gives us strength and determination when the rest of the world tells us it's not possible. We do need our Egos, but they should be a tool, directed by us, instead of something that tells us how to live our lives, as it is for most because we don't know any better.
I never much paid attention to this until I read one book that changed my life for the better, "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne W Dyer. I would say that it's so helpful, and if you have any interest at all, it can clarify many questions, as it did for me. I'll restate the 7 steps for Overcoming you Ego's Hold on You, and for detailed explanations, the book goes much deeper. The steps are as follows:
1. Stop being Offended: That which offends you, only weakens you, and this is your Ego.
2. Let go of your need to Win: Ego loves to divide us up into Winners and Losers
3. Let go of your need to Be Right: Ego is the source of a lot of conflict because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong
4. Let go of your need to be Superior: When you project feelings of superiority, that's what you get back, leading to resentments and ultimately hostility
5.Let go of your need to Have More: The Mantra of the Ego is MORE, it's never satisfied, no matter how much you achieve, it will never be enough
6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your Achievements: All things are created Through you, not By you, as everything emanates from our Source Energy
7. Let go of your Reputation: Reputation comes from other people's perceptions that you can't control..he states "Leave your reputation for others to debate, for it has nothing to do with you"
If you are feeling any of the above feelings, it is your Ego directing your action or reactions...
Our Spirits are speaking when you are doing something for the pure peace, joy, and happiness it brings you, and nothing else... I know for me, making life choices for these reasons are SO much more satisfying then any of the goals my Ego has given me. =-)
Namaste (which means in summation: Everything good, kind and loving in me, my Spirit, recognizes Everything good, kind and loving in you, your Spirit)
Jess
Another very important distinction that I needed to make before I could start making clear choices in my life, is the fact that we are multifaceted. I know we've all taken at least one psychology class, and I'm sure you remember hearing all about the ID, Ego, and Super-Ego blah blah blah... I never paid much attention, honestly, because it seemed as though our brains are so complicated that it's impossible to see the differences clearly (or maybe I didn't see the need to understand it). Also, either it was left out of the psychology study because it's not "scientific", or maybe I just missed it entirely, but I don't ever remember hearing anything about our Spirit. Understanding that we have a Spirit within us, created by God, a piece of the universal energy of all that is good, helped me to understand why I do the things that I do. That Spirit fights everyday to live openly and freely with our other mind driven Ego logic that is very convincing and Very influenced by all around us. Our Ego's are very important in that they protect us from trauma, to keep us from spiraling into deep depressions or other forms of psychosis, and it gives us strength and determination when the rest of the world tells us it's not possible. We do need our Egos, but they should be a tool, directed by us, instead of something that tells us how to live our lives, as it is for most because we don't know any better.
I never much paid attention to this until I read one book that changed my life for the better, "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne W Dyer. I would say that it's so helpful, and if you have any interest at all, it can clarify many questions, as it did for me. I'll restate the 7 steps for Overcoming you Ego's Hold on You, and for detailed explanations, the book goes much deeper. The steps are as follows:
1. Stop being Offended: That which offends you, only weakens you, and this is your Ego.
2. Let go of your need to Win: Ego loves to divide us up into Winners and Losers
3. Let go of your need to Be Right: Ego is the source of a lot of conflict because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong
4. Let go of your need to be Superior: When you project feelings of superiority, that's what you get back, leading to resentments and ultimately hostility
5.Let go of your need to Have More: The Mantra of the Ego is MORE, it's never satisfied, no matter how much you achieve, it will never be enough
6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your Achievements: All things are created Through you, not By you, as everything emanates from our Source Energy
7. Let go of your Reputation: Reputation comes from other people's perceptions that you can't control..he states "Leave your reputation for others to debate, for it has nothing to do with you"
If you are feeling any of the above feelings, it is your Ego directing your action or reactions...
Our Spirits are speaking when you are doing something for the pure peace, joy, and happiness it brings you, and nothing else... I know for me, making life choices for these reasons are SO much more satisfying then any of the goals my Ego has given me. =-)
Namaste (which means in summation: Everything good, kind and loving in me, my Spirit, recognizes Everything good, kind and loving in you, your Spirit)
Jess
Friday, November 9, 2012
Great Expectations
So I do not like to admit it but, I put expectations on everything that I've done. This could be everything from the places I've lived, to the people I've spent time with, to the things that I've bought at the store. I spent the time, money and effort to get what I think is going to be a specific benefit or outcome, and a good amount of the time I found myself Disappointed. When you take the time to plan things out in your head before it happens, chances are it's not going to play out in exactly that way. This leaves room for stresses, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, annoyance and all those other fun emotions that come out when we don't get what we want or expect. It makes it harder to just go with the flow...
Looking back on the ways that my plans have "failed", and where they've helped me to be right now, has helped me to see that Everything Happens for a Reason. When I changed my viewpoint of failure, I started to become open to new and exciting opportunities that were soon to come my way. I started to slowly become more flexible and after a short while I wanted to plan things less and less. I've actually gotten to the point now where I've accepted that I don't have to know where I'm going to be in 5 years, or what I'm doing tomorrow for that matter. When I'm not planning the future, I have more fun focusing on what I'm doing today!
I'd heard many times, live in the present moment, live for today, but I never took the time to understand why that would be more beneficial to me. In fact, I rejected that thinking because it made me nervous...very nervous...if I planned, then I was, at least in my mind, controlling the outcome. Truth is, we never have control, and we never will have control, because life is Out of our control. The outcomes are never as expected because circumstances beyond our control always impact our plan. I believe now from the bottom of my heart that our creator has a plan for us, and that plan is amazingly better then I could even begin to imagine myself! I'm trying to internalize the idea that the unknown is fun and exciting, and as i do this, my life has gotten better and better! Letting go of control also lets go of the weight on our shoulders and that is the most freeing thing that I've experienced to date!!
Look forward to talking to you tomorrow...maybe! hehe
Love and happiness,
Jess
Looking back on the ways that my plans have "failed", and where they've helped me to be right now, has helped me to see that Everything Happens for a Reason. When I changed my viewpoint of failure, I started to become open to new and exciting opportunities that were soon to come my way. I started to slowly become more flexible and after a short while I wanted to plan things less and less. I've actually gotten to the point now where I've accepted that I don't have to know where I'm going to be in 5 years, or what I'm doing tomorrow for that matter. When I'm not planning the future, I have more fun focusing on what I'm doing today!
I'd heard many times, live in the present moment, live for today, but I never took the time to understand why that would be more beneficial to me. In fact, I rejected that thinking because it made me nervous...very nervous...if I planned, then I was, at least in my mind, controlling the outcome. Truth is, we never have control, and we never will have control, because life is Out of our control. The outcomes are never as expected because circumstances beyond our control always impact our plan. I believe now from the bottom of my heart that our creator has a plan for us, and that plan is amazingly better then I could even begin to imagine myself! I'm trying to internalize the idea that the unknown is fun and exciting, and as i do this, my life has gotten better and better! Letting go of control also lets go of the weight on our shoulders and that is the most freeing thing that I've experienced to date!!
Look forward to talking to you tomorrow...maybe! hehe
Love and happiness,
Jess
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Make the Change to Happy!
We all want to be happy, right?!! I'm pretty sure that I've worked my entire life toward that goal, although I realize now how unaware I was of what that meant for me. I did all the things I was taught will lead me to happiness...college, lucrative job to pursue financial freedom, respectable career, marriage to lead to a family etc etc. I always diligently listened my parents, teachers, and other respectable people to learn the wrong and right ways to happiness. I prided myself on my ability to learn from others without having to learn that tough lesson myself. I molded my decisions after other peers that I perceived to be happy...I did everything right!
And yet, I was unhappy....it didn't make any sense to me. I even did a pretty good job at convincing myself that I was happy for a while. I was excited and optimistic for all of the success I had and was going to have in my future, and I planned it out with extensive detail in my head. I knew the directions, I just had to navigate the road. One big problem, however, was that the road always seemed to have unexpected detours. No matter how well I planned my situation, it never seemed to go my way. Circumstances beyond my control always seemed to complicate things and oftentimes, stop me in my tracks. As the years went on and I worked harder and harder towards my goals, I couldn't help but think that something was out to make me fail and it just wasn't fair! That would be when I hit my bottom...
Life became a lot more clear when it became obvious that I was the opposite of happy. I had to come to terms with the fact that I didn't know the first thing about being happy. As I went to therapy, I began to slowly give myself PERMISSION to pursue the things in my life that would make me happy. I had to realize that other people's opinions don't matter, and that another person's path to happiness is most likely going to be different then my own. With those three very difficult realizations internalized (and it took a LONG time to really wrap my brain around them) I began to SEE the things making me unhappy. I started to make some hard decisions and changes in my life. I began to see where all the things that went "wrong" in my life, actually ended up leading me to the great changes I was making at that time. If all of those "bad" situations had not come into my life, I would not have reflected on my own happiness at all! I'd still have been working away towards goals that were everyone else' but my own. And then something else wonderful happened...I became thankful for my hardships, for my opportunities to learn and grow, and for the present relief and happiness I was feeling having made those tough choices. I truly believe that it was that appreciation that allowed me to see life in a whole other light...
In the next few days I'll be blogging about some of changes of perception that have since changed my life! Each day, each lesson, each moment is an opportunity for change...all it takes is opening your mind and more importantly opening your heart <3
Happiness to you All!
Jess
And yet, I was unhappy....it didn't make any sense to me. I even did a pretty good job at convincing myself that I was happy for a while. I was excited and optimistic for all of the success I had and was going to have in my future, and I planned it out with extensive detail in my head. I knew the directions, I just had to navigate the road. One big problem, however, was that the road always seemed to have unexpected detours. No matter how well I planned my situation, it never seemed to go my way. Circumstances beyond my control always seemed to complicate things and oftentimes, stop me in my tracks. As the years went on and I worked harder and harder towards my goals, I couldn't help but think that something was out to make me fail and it just wasn't fair! That would be when I hit my bottom...
Life became a lot more clear when it became obvious that I was the opposite of happy. I had to come to terms with the fact that I didn't know the first thing about being happy. As I went to therapy, I began to slowly give myself PERMISSION to pursue the things in my life that would make me happy. I had to realize that other people's opinions don't matter, and that another person's path to happiness is most likely going to be different then my own. With those three very difficult realizations internalized (and it took a LONG time to really wrap my brain around them) I began to SEE the things making me unhappy. I started to make some hard decisions and changes in my life. I began to see where all the things that went "wrong" in my life, actually ended up leading me to the great changes I was making at that time. If all of those "bad" situations had not come into my life, I would not have reflected on my own happiness at all! I'd still have been working away towards goals that were everyone else' but my own. And then something else wonderful happened...I became thankful for my hardships, for my opportunities to learn and grow, and for the present relief and happiness I was feeling having made those tough choices. I truly believe that it was that appreciation that allowed me to see life in a whole other light...
In the next few days I'll be blogging about some of changes of perception that have since changed my life! Each day, each lesson, each moment is an opportunity for change...all it takes is opening your mind and more importantly opening your heart <3
Happiness to you All!
Jess
Monday, November 5, 2012
I HAVE to do it!
Another HUGE issue, that comes up for me again and again, is the whole idea that I HAVE to do something. This can be applied in all areas of life and is not discriminatory... There were so many parts of my life that I just suffered through because, for whatever reason, I told myself that I had to do it.
I had to go to college, I had to get a good paying, respectable job, I had to pursue a successful career, I had to be an independent woman, I had to get married and have a family, I had to get a house before I had kids, I had to one day be self-employed to be happy, I had to be in shape at all times, I think I could go on...and on...and on...but I will not bore you will all of the ways that I Defined myself. Whether it be expectations I learned from parents, teachers, friends, the communities I was living in at the time, I learned them and it became something that I had to prove to myself. A very large portion of those things I did, but not to my standards. Some were attempted but failed. Some I was amazingly successful at, and I even felt good at the time...until I needed more and more. Once you create that picture, definition, and all those expectations of yourself, you will never be happy until you have them all. And I found that once I crossed something off the list, a new requirement would promptly be added. I never once stopped to think why it was not acceptable to just be happy with myself at that very moment. Always the "I'll be happy when...." statements that I found coming out of my mouth. I said so many times, "if I want 'x' then I Have to do 'y'". Problem was I never stopped to ask myself If and Why I wanted 'x' in the first place?!!
After I found myself constantly disappointed and frustrated with life and myself, I started to actually reflect on those questions... Do I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart and spirit want those things? Most of the time I was completely torn...my Spirit would scream No and my ego would very consistently talk me back to yes..It took a lot of time facing my fears and my insecurities to accept myself for who I really wanted to be. Did I want to be super successful corporate business woman? Nope...Did I want to help people get healthy and improve their lives and happiness as a Yoga teacher? More then I could even explain, but I was so scared of people's judgements (or more truthfully, my own judgement). It took all I had to quit my job and go to teacher training, but I have had absolutely no regrets and think it was by far the most thoughtful and positive decision I've ever made. Every day that I get up on that podium, I thank my lucky stars that I get to teach people yoga! That was a first of many decisions that I've made for my Spirit instead of my Ego, and I wish that for everyone in this world...it's given me glimpses of what it feels like to be at peace. My goal is to learn to truly expect nothing of myself but to live in peace, joy, and happiness, and just Be me. Everyday I feel like I get a little closer :-)
Namaste
Jess
I had to go to college, I had to get a good paying, respectable job, I had to pursue a successful career, I had to be an independent woman, I had to get married and have a family, I had to get a house before I had kids, I had to one day be self-employed to be happy, I had to be in shape at all times, I think I could go on...and on...and on...but I will not bore you will all of the ways that I Defined myself. Whether it be expectations I learned from parents, teachers, friends, the communities I was living in at the time, I learned them and it became something that I had to prove to myself. A very large portion of those things I did, but not to my standards. Some were attempted but failed. Some I was amazingly successful at, and I even felt good at the time...until I needed more and more. Once you create that picture, definition, and all those expectations of yourself, you will never be happy until you have them all. And I found that once I crossed something off the list, a new requirement would promptly be added. I never once stopped to think why it was not acceptable to just be happy with myself at that very moment. Always the "I'll be happy when...." statements that I found coming out of my mouth. I said so many times, "if I want 'x' then I Have to do 'y'". Problem was I never stopped to ask myself If and Why I wanted 'x' in the first place?!!
After I found myself constantly disappointed and frustrated with life and myself, I started to actually reflect on those questions... Do I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart and spirit want those things? Most of the time I was completely torn...my Spirit would scream No and my ego would very consistently talk me back to yes..It took a lot of time facing my fears and my insecurities to accept myself for who I really wanted to be. Did I want to be super successful corporate business woman? Nope...Did I want to help people get healthy and improve their lives and happiness as a Yoga teacher? More then I could even explain, but I was so scared of people's judgements (or more truthfully, my own judgement). It took all I had to quit my job and go to teacher training, but I have had absolutely no regrets and think it was by far the most thoughtful and positive decision I've ever made. Every day that I get up on that podium, I thank my lucky stars that I get to teach people yoga! That was a first of many decisions that I've made for my Spirit instead of my Ego, and I wish that for everyone in this world...it's given me glimpses of what it feels like to be at peace. My goal is to learn to truly expect nothing of myself but to live in peace, joy, and happiness, and just Be me. Everyday I feel like I get a little closer :-)
Namaste
Jess
Sunday, November 4, 2012
The Only Person You Can Change is Yourself
Today has had one big theme come up over and over again...The Only Person You Can Change is Yourself!
Also, The Only Person that Can Make You Happy is You!
I've been struggling with this realization for years now, ever since my marriage ended and I had finally "learned" that lesson for myself. I put that nifty "learned" in quotes because it seems to be a lesson that continually needs re-learning, and today it was in the form of discussions with friends over their relationships and my own. It's easy to console a friend, or listen to a family member about their relationships because we have that healthy detachment. We love them with all of our hearts but know they've got to make their own decisions, learn their own lessons, and live their own lives, and we will be there to love and support them if they need us...THAT however, is very difficult when it comes to our partners because inevitably, their lives are intertwined with our own. Their decisions affect OUR happiness. Their shortcomings frustrate US. Their lack of self understanding or inability to make "good" decisions for themselves, in turn, force US to deal with the emotions that these things create. Romantic relationships are so intense and sometimes overflowing with emotion that it's hard to keep a healthy distance to realize that we can't, and shouldn't want to, change our partners. We go and fall head over heals in love with them and then at some point the responsibility of our happiness gets transferred to them, instead of it's rightful owner, ourselves! Our significant others deserve the unconditional love, compassion, and understanding that we give to our other family and friends.
Going into my current relationship, I told myself that I would only stay if I was happy, I would communicate as truthfully as possible, and if there came a point where my happiness was gone, then I would take care of my own happiness first and foremost and/or leave. I think I'm doing an alright job at this so far... The problem that usually sneaks up on me is that when there's an issue, I have a tendency to think I can fix this! I'll just help him do what he should do, or do it for him, and then everything in the relationship will be great and he and I will be happy again! I've done this many times before and it's never worked, so I have to remind myself that the benefit to him comes from his own growth and self-understanding. I'm truly trying to be supportive and NOT trying to over-help or change him. This is proving more difficult then it sounds, but I'm determined, as are the many great friends that I've talked to today!
Something that I find helpful to bring self-awareness is to ask myself a couple questions:
Am I trying to get him to change something?
Why do I want to fix (change) this? Is it for him or is it for me?(and this is a tricky one...cause we can justify really well) If it's for me (and most often, when I really reflect, it is), then I force myself, however difficult, to step back and allow him to figure things out on his own.
I'm still a work in progress but it's definitely getting easier....and I have to say that once you give your partner back the responsibility of taking care of themselves, it feels a lot lighter on the shoulders, AND they actually willingly take that responsibility back and make their own better decisions. As long as we're honest with ourselves, we will more easily be able to remind ourselves that "the only person you can change is you"!!
That's my thoughts! Thanks for reading!
Love to You All,
Jess
Also, The Only Person that Can Make You Happy is You!
I've been struggling with this realization for years now, ever since my marriage ended and I had finally "learned" that lesson for myself. I put that nifty "learned" in quotes because it seems to be a lesson that continually needs re-learning, and today it was in the form of discussions with friends over their relationships and my own. It's easy to console a friend, or listen to a family member about their relationships because we have that healthy detachment. We love them with all of our hearts but know they've got to make their own decisions, learn their own lessons, and live their own lives, and we will be there to love and support them if they need us...THAT however, is very difficult when it comes to our partners because inevitably, their lives are intertwined with our own. Their decisions affect OUR happiness. Their shortcomings frustrate US. Their lack of self understanding or inability to make "good" decisions for themselves, in turn, force US to deal with the emotions that these things create. Romantic relationships are so intense and sometimes overflowing with emotion that it's hard to keep a healthy distance to realize that we can't, and shouldn't want to, change our partners. We go and fall head over heals in love with them and then at some point the responsibility of our happiness gets transferred to them, instead of it's rightful owner, ourselves! Our significant others deserve the unconditional love, compassion, and understanding that we give to our other family and friends.
Going into my current relationship, I told myself that I would only stay if I was happy, I would communicate as truthfully as possible, and if there came a point where my happiness was gone, then I would take care of my own happiness first and foremost and/or leave. I think I'm doing an alright job at this so far... The problem that usually sneaks up on me is that when there's an issue, I have a tendency to think I can fix this! I'll just help him do what he should do, or do it for him, and then everything in the relationship will be great and he and I will be happy again! I've done this many times before and it's never worked, so I have to remind myself that the benefit to him comes from his own growth and self-understanding. I'm truly trying to be supportive and NOT trying to over-help or change him. This is proving more difficult then it sounds, but I'm determined, as are the many great friends that I've talked to today!
Something that I find helpful to bring self-awareness is to ask myself a couple questions:
Am I trying to get him to change something?
Why do I want to fix (change) this? Is it for him or is it for me?(and this is a tricky one...cause we can justify really well) If it's for me (and most often, when I really reflect, it is), then I force myself, however difficult, to step back and allow him to figure things out on his own.
I'm still a work in progress but it's definitely getting easier....and I have to say that once you give your partner back the responsibility of taking care of themselves, it feels a lot lighter on the shoulders, AND they actually willingly take that responsibility back and make their own better decisions. As long as we're honest with ourselves, we will more easily be able to remind ourselves that "the only person you can change is you"!!
That's my thoughts! Thanks for reading!
Love to You All,
Jess
Saturday, November 3, 2012
How it all started
Good Afternoon!
You may be wondering how I was inspired to start my spiritual journey in the first place, so I thought I'd give you the short version so you can get an idea....
It was a few years ago that I found myself living a life that was making me miserable. I was feeling exhausted, frustrated, and pretty much depressed all the time, and it forced me to take a look at my life! At the time, I was living in Waco, TX, trying to keep my second try at a residential home building business going with my husband, putting him back through school, while also working as a banker at Chase Bank to make ends meet. Ugh! It tires me to even type that now!
In an effort to keep this from getting too long and boring, I'm just going to say that due to circumstances beyond our control I decided to close down the building business. So there I was, stuck in Waco which was way too small of a town for me, in a failing marriage that made us both bitter and frustrated people, and hating every moment of every day of my job at Chase. I didn't even begin to know in what direction I should go! After having the realization that fixing my marriage was much too large a task for me to take on alone, I enlisted the help of a therapist and some pretty amazing close friends to figure everything out.
I remember having said many times before "I am the only one that can truly make myself happy, and only I can know how it can be done". After a year and a half of getting to know my motivations, I realized that it wasn't ME making my decisions up until that point at all! It was the Ego part of me that learned what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to live from life (parents, friends, teachers, society as a whole). I figured out that all of the things I'd so desperately "wanted", I had never actually wanted in the first place! So I began to start over...I accepted that my marriage was being forced, we were too different and I needed to just let it go. I transferred with Chase to Houston to get out of town, and as I drove, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders like I'd never felt before! I'd released myself from the suffering I'd taken on in order to earn the respect and approval of others. For the first time, I began to feel my freedom and joy knowing I was listening to myself, my spirit, on a deep level regardless of the opinions of others. I was also pleasantly surprised to find that not just some, but virtually ALL of my friends and family were completely supportive, helpful and loving towards me during that time. Where I expected judgement, I got none...seems like a reoccurring theme eh?
The lessons we "learn" continuously come back to us in different shapes and sizes until we can clearly see it, and learn it once and for all! They call that a Karmic pattern, and over the past few years I've been able to see my patterns more and more clearly. This has lead me to more and more happiness!!!
I'll be more then happy to answer questions or discuss if you're interested...
Sorry for the length and thanks so much for reading :-)
Love to the World
Jess
You may be wondering how I was inspired to start my spiritual journey in the first place, so I thought I'd give you the short version so you can get an idea....
It was a few years ago that I found myself living a life that was making me miserable. I was feeling exhausted, frustrated, and pretty much depressed all the time, and it forced me to take a look at my life! At the time, I was living in Waco, TX, trying to keep my second try at a residential home building business going with my husband, putting him back through school, while also working as a banker at Chase Bank to make ends meet. Ugh! It tires me to even type that now!
In an effort to keep this from getting too long and boring, I'm just going to say that due to circumstances beyond our control I decided to close down the building business. So there I was, stuck in Waco which was way too small of a town for me, in a failing marriage that made us both bitter and frustrated people, and hating every moment of every day of my job at Chase. I didn't even begin to know in what direction I should go! After having the realization that fixing my marriage was much too large a task for me to take on alone, I enlisted the help of a therapist and some pretty amazing close friends to figure everything out.
I remember having said many times before "I am the only one that can truly make myself happy, and only I can know how it can be done". After a year and a half of getting to know my motivations, I realized that it wasn't ME making my decisions up until that point at all! It was the Ego part of me that learned what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to live from life (parents, friends, teachers, society as a whole). I figured out that all of the things I'd so desperately "wanted", I had never actually wanted in the first place! So I began to start over...I accepted that my marriage was being forced, we were too different and I needed to just let it go. I transferred with Chase to Houston to get out of town, and as I drove, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders like I'd never felt before! I'd released myself from the suffering I'd taken on in order to earn the respect and approval of others. For the first time, I began to feel my freedom and joy knowing I was listening to myself, my spirit, on a deep level regardless of the opinions of others. I was also pleasantly surprised to find that not just some, but virtually ALL of my friends and family were completely supportive, helpful and loving towards me during that time. Where I expected judgement, I got none...seems like a reoccurring theme eh?
The lessons we "learn" continuously come back to us in different shapes and sizes until we can clearly see it, and learn it once and for all! They call that a Karmic pattern, and over the past few years I've been able to see my patterns more and more clearly. This has lead me to more and more happiness!!!
I'll be more then happy to answer questions or discuss if you're interested...
Sorry for the length and thanks so much for reading :-)
Love to the World
Jess
Friday, November 2, 2012
Here goes...
Hello World!
I'm not so sure why, but making myself vulnerable out in public has always made me extremely nervous. Some of you may find it funny to know that, to me, writing my thoughts on a blog is making me FEEL very vulnerable right now! I know I know...I haven't even said anything!
Okay...I'm going to try to write one thing that comes through my mind daily about this big, crazy, amazing, and oftentimes frustrating world in which we live. I'm finding that my views are changing, sometimes hourly! I'm trying to go from living the life society and my Ego have created for me, to one that nourishes my spirit and makes me TRULY happy!! So far I think I've been doing a pretty good job and I'll try to share some of the things that I've done that have helped me go this far...and I still have SO much to learn!
Thanks for reading...
Love to the World!
Jess
I'm not so sure why, but making myself vulnerable out in public has always made me extremely nervous. Some of you may find it funny to know that, to me, writing my thoughts on a blog is making me FEEL very vulnerable right now! I know I know...I haven't even said anything!
Okay...I'm going to try to write one thing that comes through my mind daily about this big, crazy, amazing, and oftentimes frustrating world in which we live. I'm finding that my views are changing, sometimes hourly! I'm trying to go from living the life society and my Ego have created for me, to one that nourishes my spirit and makes me TRULY happy!! So far I think I've been doing a pretty good job and I'll try to share some of the things that I've done that have helped me go this far...and I still have SO much to learn!
Thanks for reading...
Love to the World!
Jess
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